As you know, Sun’s open source software and microprocessor strategy has been, at times controversial. We’ve filled trade journals and chat rooms with all kinds of dialog and the occasional crackpot conspiracy theory.
As many have rightly assumed from the outset, that controversy was, in fact, not a byproduct of the strategy – it was the strategy: if you’re talking about Sun, you’re not talking about the other guy. And then you’ll buy a datacenter.
But now that we’ve firmly established our reputation for open source leadership, I’m very worried there’s no more controversy to be had. There’s too much trust in the system, and too much clarity around our strategic intent. So it’s getting tougher and tougher to kick up a storm – and we can’t very well spend a billion dollars or change our ticker symbol every time we want to generate a headline. Now can we?
So today I’d like to unfurl the second chapter of our strategy.
We want you to give it all back. You couldn’t possibly believe we’d let you keep it, did you?
We specifically request that all free software originally distributed by Sun Microsystems, related to software or microprocessors, including but not limited to source files, binaries, derivatives, extensions, applications, patents, patent applications, copyrights, ideas, thoughts, and derivative thoughts, along with any and all mirrors thereof, be returned immediately.
In addition, (we know this is the risky part, but we need to get the privacy advocates twittering, too), we demand all data processed, stored or created by such intellectual property, up to and including all data held within file systems, databases or open source productivity applications be returned, as well. Up to and including the book report your kid just typed on OpenOffice.
We’d like to request this all be returned within thirty days.
Thank you for your understanding.
And although it pains me to say this, we do live in a litigious society, so: YES, this is an April Fool’s joke, as defined by relevant sections of the United States Securities Act of 1933.